How is it the people online like my energy and attitude and encourage me to be me. And think I can become a great speaker. When everyone in my real life does not. and it has cost me my whole life. And lead me to the end of life. It has created me to never speak. It puts a lot of confusion and conflict within me. Anytime I speak I feel like a narcissist A hole. What am I missing or are people missing something. I think people like you are way smarter than me. So it has to be something I am not understanding. Every time I speak it hurts my heart. I turn depression into anger and then into exercise and then into self study of thoughts and emotions. I turn people pleasing into a gift to my heart that brings me the only happiness I can achieve. I use narcissistic behavior to demand greatness out of me. I don't really recommend that one to anyone it is really ruthless to yourself but it creates greatness. Anger should never ever be used for thoughts. You must exercise yourself until your to tired to argue with yourself. Anger mixed with thoughts are poisonous and very. toxic. I use many negative things to my advantage but i refuse to learn the negative behaviors with knowledge because it only programs the subconscious which is the most stupidest thing to do. Being ignorant to the negative emotions of there meanings has a big factor to me be able to see good uses in the negative emotions that I use for good. The emotions know hay I don't like that and then I go within and study a way it can bring me value. And because I love to people please I take the negativity and turn it into positive and I go around like a kid throwing greatness at people and then run because I fear happiness. It really screws me up when people come in my life and say I am wrong and try to take away what I know how to use for good. If it is taken away how do I function if I am scared of positive emotions. It's very difficult to learn them if I am always running. And to get me to stop and get rid of flight or freeze will destroy me. My tools can not be taken away from me. And expect me to figure out how to use positive emotions. It will cause chaos within me leading to me fearing myself again and I don't want to be the person trapping me in the corner. That flight or freeze being cornered with massive energy.
How is it the people online like my energy and attitude and encourage me to be me. And think I can become a great speaker. When everyone in my real life does not. and it has cost me my whole life. And lead me to the end of life. It has created me to never speak. It puts a lot of confusion and conflict within me. Anytime I speak I feel like a narcissist A hole.
What am I missing or are people missing something. I think people like you are way smarter than me. So it has to be something I am not understanding. Every time I speak it hurts my heart. I turn depression into anger and then into exercise and then into self study of thoughts and emotions. I turn people pleasing into a gift to my heart that brings me the only happiness I can achieve. I use narcissistic behavior to demand greatness out of me. I don't really recommend that one to anyone it is really ruthless to yourself but it creates greatness. Anger should never ever be used for thoughts. You must exercise yourself until your to tired to argue with yourself. Anger mixed with thoughts are poisonous and very. toxic. I use many negative things to my advantage but i refuse to learn the negative behaviors with knowledge because it only programs the subconscious which is the most stupidest thing to do. Being ignorant to the negative emotions of there meanings has a big factor to me be able to see good uses in the negative emotions that I use for good. The emotions know hay I don't like that and then I go within and study a way it can bring me value. And because I love to people please I take the negativity and turn it into positive and I go around like a kid throwing greatness at people and then run because I fear happiness.
It really screws me up when people come in my life and say I am wrong and try to take away what I know how to use for good. If it is taken away how do I function if I am scared of positive emotions. It's very difficult to learn them if I am always running. And to get me to stop and get rid of flight or freeze will destroy me. My tools can not be taken away from me.
And expect me to figure out how to use positive emotions. It will cause chaos within me leading to me fearing myself again and I don't want to be the person trapping me in the corner. That flight or freeze being cornered with massive energy.
When I was little, I used to be VERY shy. I was able to get over it due to my job as Auditor. Now, I'm known for being "outgoing".