We don't “move on” from grief. We move forward with it | Nora McInerny

We don't “move on” from grief. We move forward with it | Nora McInerny

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In a talk that’s by turns heartbreaking and hilarious, writer and podcaster Nora McInerny shares her hard-earned wisdom about life and death. Her candid approach to something that will, let’s face it, affect us all, is as liberating as it is gut-wrenching. Most powerfully, she encourages us to shift how we approach grief. “A grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again,” she says. “They’re going to move forward. But that doesn’t mean that they’ve moved on.”

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43 Comments

  1. This is Exactlyyyyyyy how I feel, I’m grieving not only someone I dated but he was my friend . Just because we weren’t married doesn’t take away from our friendship. I really miss him and hope to see him one day again I’m trying to move on and enjoy life but I seem to cry every week

  2. These are the lies that grief tells us. It will never get easier… You just learn to live with it… It is the "new normal"… ALL LIES.
    The lies told by the grief and by those still grieving.
    Grief like any other emotion is temporary. Unless you choose to identify with it and accept it as the new you.
    Me, my children, we chose to heal and let go of the pain and suffering. It wasn't easy. It took years. But we did it.
    The kids were 3 & 13 when we lost their mom to suicide in 2015.
    We were together for 26 years. I was broken, hopeless, ready to give up. But I didn't.
    It took me 4.5 years to get to the place where I wasn't going to accept this as my "normal" so I chose to change. I chose to heal.
    We are happy and love life now. Grief is not love with no place to go, grief is anger, pain, suffering, hopelessness, rage, blame, jealousy, and much more negativity that can lead to depression, mental illness, and even death if not healed properly.
    Do not accept the lies that grief tells us. Healing is a choice. Happiness is a choice.
    Life goes on.
    Now that does NOT mean that we do not miss her, still love her, or get sad on those dates…. But that is not grief, that is love. An entirely different vibration…

  3. Grief of a child is a whole different type of loss. My son Jordan told me he was leaving ,but I didn't understand til after. it teaches you a love n pain like no other it's transforming.

  4. The more great memories I have I find 2 things
    1. I am grateful I had such a wonderful experience with that individual. Mom and Dad and Husband.
    2. There are so many memories that leave wholes of Loss, I feel like parts of myself are missing and I can’t go where there was so much fun and laughter. It brings memories magnified the loss and the problem that I am the last one Here. I keep trying to see a future and run to it.
    I realize I have to. Having some trouble, I am restlessness because my life story is now oddly missing, but I have to move forward.

  5. I'm 16 years old and my dad is going to die soon. A week ago things were fine but when we went to the hospital things turned out to be much worse. I'm an only child so its just going to be me and my mom and I miss my dad talking about things. I still cant believe this is going on.

  6. Thank you Dr emuakhe from Africa.this is my third time of experiencing the effectiveness of your great herbs for the immediate relief of Cancer.i will place order for my old mom.more grace to your able sir…

  7. My ex husband died a few days ago. Not legally married, but our hearts were still married. We have a 4 year old and planned on reconciling. I’m lost. Everyone says shift my focus to my child. I just needed to tell another person that because I’m sure I’m exhausting my family and his family and my two friends with my grief. I love you Chris.

  8. She's an excellent speaker, but I was hoping for something comforting, which was an improper expectation on my part. I no longer see the point of falling in love just to trade it in for excruciating pain and sadness that never goes away.

  9. Lost my father a month ago.. Im 18.
    I've wanted everything in life for him.
    He left and took away the beauty of this world from my eyes. All the love that I could ever feel towards someone. He took away all the happiness.. why did he leave me alone..

  10. “ a grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again “ as someone who’s loved one is going through major grief, i cried hearing this. i hope and pray that it happens.

  11. I know I did not lose a human but I did lose something really important my dog yesterday 9/13/2022 and although I feel fine I just need to put something out there about my dog who gave me so much through his lifetime. he had suffered a lot in the hand of his previous owners and while my family may have not been the best owners will still tried to give him the best life. the good thing is he was very calm his last few days and I was glad to spend a lot of time with him and when he was in my arms.

  12. I lost my mom a week ago, to the hour… and this gave me hope. I’m watching my father fall apart, right before I lost my mom, my heart was broken by the only person I ever loved… the rollercoaster is hard

  13. grief fucking sucks . I'm 19 and my aunt died 10 days ago and this is my first experience with grief . it hurts even more since she was completely healthy and died pretty young and I had a lot of memories and success thanks to her . and the feeling that she is burried under ground and I will never feel her hugs and kind words makes my heart freaking hurt like literally . grief is the worst feeling I've expereinced in my entire life

  14. Not surprisingly, my husband Joe White recently had the similar "real" life talk to me, as in moving forward and what they represent. I suppose I am unable to interject natural experience nor natural loss nor even natural change and when I do experience that, I will make sure to check back remembering the emotional journey of the grieving process and the stages that the natural loss interjects with the harmonious, natural process. My condolences to those, however, whom has natural losses or change and whom will find that moving forward and the level of acceptance fortified by the natural process of grief. Until then, back to our queen and the oh so SAD focus in the news this one is…

  15. Lost my big sister almost 2 years ago in December 12th from Covid other stuff young was 57 being so hard I lost my step mom 1 month in half ago it’s been so hard she same age to it was cancer ???we her life celebrating on Saturday it was so hard

  16. My husbands mother die 2021 28.5. friday. Six weeks after that my husband die 9.7. Friday. Six weeks after that my mother die.20.8.Friday. I was so scared who will leave this earth 1.10.Friday. No one. But. My aunt die 31.1.2022 and her husband 3.2. 2022. They were like my second family. So,I really understand what she´s talking about. And I think this is true my husband is with me every moment of my life. He helped me be what I´m now.